Yesterday a wound was reopened in my heart. A wound that whispers lie after lie into my ear saying that I am not enough in what matters but too much in everything else. It’s this fear that has haunted me for as long as I can remember and just when I think I’ve overcome it something happens to reopen that wound and the healing process must begin again.
I’m not opening up about this to make you feel bad for me… I’m being vulnerable because I’m done letting this wound fester, get infected, and maybe even scar a little. I want to go straight to the miraculous healing by our God who wants to work miracles in my and your life. Because there is a truth that we need to live by: We are created in the image and likeness of God and, believe me when I say, we are more than enough. Last I checked, God doesn’t make mistakes, and He sure as heck did not start with you.God fashioned me in the womb to be a loud woman, with very little filter and a whole lot of courage. He gave me these gifts, just as He has given you yours, and every single one of them has a purpose. It’s my loudness that often makes me self-conscious that I’m being too much, but it’s also my loudness that allows me to bring joy to others. It’s my lack of filter that haunts me in my relationships but it is also that with my courage that allows me to confront my sisters and be bold enough to call out the lies.The devil attacks our gifts because he is terrified of the beauty that we can create with them. He is the one who whispers that we are not good enough, that we don’t do enough when we are already struggling with feelings of loneliness. He is the one who tells us that we are too much when we have finally left our shells and are comfortable with the people around us. And the worst part is, sometimes those tiny little insignificant thoughts are the ones that creep in and attack the knowledge of our belovedness that God has put innately into our souls.
It’s so hard to let go of those comments that, even if not intended to, strike at the core of our insecurities. And yet, we are told (over and over again to the point of almost being funny) that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. This is a truth that our tiny minds can never comprehend and yet we are called to trust anyway. Let me tell you sisters, I struggle immensely with this but our Father is patient and continually calls me back into His heart.We are not going to heal from these wounds unless we hand them over to Him until we accept that we are broken and we can’t fix ourselves. It is an incredibly humbling realization to come to, and a hard one to accept, but once you do it is so freeing. And, a huge part of this is forgiveness. Yesterday’s first reading and gospel (Sir 27:30-28:7 & Matt 18:21-35) shed a light on how much hurt I was holding onto and how much forgiveness I needed to give and receive. It made me realize that by holding onto this hurt and these grudges in my heart then I could not fully give myself to Him and we should not stand for that. God is asking us to forgive those who hurt us just as He forgives us every single solitary time we sin against Him. How can we truly live in God’s mercy if we are unwilling to share that with others?
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things in this world, but that is because it is like a form of enslavement that we need to break free from. Sisters, do not be held back by the lies that you are not good enough or that you are too much. Listen to the quiet voice of God that is calling out to you relentlessly with words of love and acceptance. God created you, with all your gifts and quirks, with a special purpose to bring love and joy into this world. Don’t let anything hold you back.Shop this Look:
Jean Short Sleeve Botton Up (I’m obsessed with this shirt)
Embroidered Pull-On Shorts (Not the same ones but I like these better)
Black Slide on Sneakers
My Saint My Hero Blessing Bracelets