Finding My Beauty in Christ

So, I’ve been struggling recently to talk to Jesus – I straight up can’t focus for more than maybe five seconds – and it’s so frustrating to me because I want to so badly but I can’t keep my mind from wandering. And what’s worse is that my mind keeps wandering to the most material things: my desire for a guy, new clothing I want, my stress about school, my insecurities. All these things have taken over my mind and it’s as if silent time with My Father has become impossible.image (1 of 4)Cream Turtle Neck \\ Army Green Down Vest (similar) \\ High-Waisted Ripped Jeans \\ Brown Suede Booties (on sale!!)

Luke 12 has really stood out to me lately. “Do not be anxious about this life… instead, seek His Kingdom.” (Luke 12: 22-31). I read that in adoration on Wednesday when I was so distracted that I couldn’t pray by myself. What it made me realize is that distraction comes in the anxieties and the uncertainties and the worries of this world. I have let them become so prevalent in my mind that I forgot that if we seek the kingdom first, if we trust Him with everything, God will provide everything – Heck, it literally tells us that it’s our Father’s good please to spoil us.

So why am I doing a reflection piece on a Friday Fashion day? One of those distractions that I’ve been struggling with is insecurities about my weight. It’s nothing to be worried about, just the usual female worries in our modern time, but I really let it get to me. I let lies about my body enter my mind during mass and during prayer and throughout the day and it’s a hard thing to just get over.image (3 of 4)I read further in Luke 12 and Jesus said, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart also be.” That kind of threw me for a curveball and got me thinking. This has become such a distraction in my life because I have my eyes focused on this world. I’m so concerned with my physical appearance and fitting in with the ‘fashion world’ and my own expectations of my body that any movement from the normal is terrifying. I’m focused on myself – not the Kingdom. When I read that verse it made me question where I’d been putting my ‘treasure.’ Is my prize being seen as beautiful? Is my ultimate goal trying to find a guy who can’t fulfill me? Is my pride in my grades? Or is my pearl of great price in Heaven inside the Merciful Heart of Jesus?

Here is the thing – it’s a fact. I’m in college with horrid food and I’ve gained a little (like so very little) weight. But, this is where the lie comes in, a lie that I’ve let myself believe. That, in gaining weight I have lost some beauty. To be honest, I didn’t even realize I was believing it until Jesus really brought it to the forefront of my mind in adoration last night. I was slowly letting it affect me, sensitize my pride, change my fashion sense, and I didn’t even realize it was happening. I saw myself wearing looser clothing, still beautiful and still glorifying, but looser. And, it made me less adventurous and free with my fashion as well.image (4 of 4)But, here is where the lie falls short. If I believe that I am created in the image and likeness of God, and God is the most perfect and beautiful thing, then I am also created as the most perfect and beautiful being. And more than that, if I believe the theology of the Church, which I very much so do, then I believe that God is never-changing, He will always be perfectly beauty goodness and truth, and nothing on this world or in the heaven above can change that. So, to say that my beauty is affected, or can lessen, by a slight change of something on this world is to assume that God’s beauty can change and that my friends, is heresy.

It is impossible for me to not be beautiful, just as it’s impossible for you all not to be beautiful.

Reject the lie ladies that you aren’t thin enough, or curvy enough, or have clear enough skin, or the right kind of facial structure to be seen as beautiful. You are created in the image and likeness of your Father in heaven, THE most beautiful Creator, and that means you must be beautiful too. (that is unless you wanna spew some heresy up in here :D)