I’ve recently been going through a style transformation in my life and honestly, I have no clue what I am doing. What is a style transformation you may ask? I don’t really know, and I’m going through it. All I do know is that as I’ve grown in my relationship with God, matured as an individual (kind of haha), and begun to live, wild and unashamed, in who I am and I want my style to reflect that. I put on outfits that I used to love and for some reason, I just don’t feel like myself in them.
Maybe this has something to do with the fact that I am a four on the Enneagram scale (if you guys have never heard of it, it is an amazing personality test that even the Catholic Church promotes as a way to learn about yourself and grow in virtue – HERE is a free test to see what you are). When reading about fours on the Enneagram scale it was kind of scary how accurate it was but what was most amazing about it was finally being able to put words to character flaws that I never could before, helping me actually begin to work on them. One of my character flaws, that is something I’ve always struggled with, is that I am, “unsure about aspects of [my] self-image—[my] personality or ego-structure itself. [I] feel that [I] lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona that [I] feel comfortable with.”
I am a very self-reflective person, always looking at what I can do to better myself, always trying to process my feelings and constantly asking the question, “Who am I?” And, as a result, I feel that my outward self needs to reflect my inward transformations. Maybe you guys don’t go through the same thought processes as me but I think everyone can relate to one day looking at your closet and feeling like the clothing just isn’t you anymore.
When I first felt this I kind of panicked. I fled to Pinterest for new inspiration and made board after board of style inspiration. In some ways, it did help. I began to see a pattern in things that I was saving and I could really start looking at where I wanted my sense of style to go. But, as soon as I started to try and make those outfits a reality I was stuck. I felt totally uninspired and every time I looked in my closet I thought it was impossible to create the perfect outfit that represented me with the clothing that I had.
I was so frustrated – until I took it to prayer. I sat down for a talk with Jesus and He spoke identity as a daughter over my heart. He reminded me that it’s crazy to think I can fully express my complex and metaphysical identity in a few pieces of clothing. He also told me that He would provide me with the inspiration for my new style. He asked me to trust in His creative power. See, I have this bad habit of looking at what other creatives are doing and, even though I was gifted with a creative mind, I try to recreate what they have already done. I have this fear that what I create won’t be good enough so I copy what other creatives have already done in the past instead of creating what is on my heart. Jesus was asking me to give up my insecurities and let go of control in all my creative endeavors.I was so frustrated this morning trying to put an outfit together and they all felt so not me. I had completely forgotten what He told me literally the night before and I couldn’t focus. Finally, I sat down in defeat and that is when God took the reins. Combining my love of Audrey Hepburn, jean jackets, and quirky details He put this outfit into my mind and as soon as I put it on I felt more myself than I have in weeks. It isn’t a crazy unique or revolutionary outfit but it’s me and it’s a gift to be wearing it. And the best part, I’ve felt like I was glorifying my God all day while wearing it. This was His creation – not mine and I wanted the world to see what a beautiful and amazing God we have.
If you are going through what I’m going through. If you are frustrated by your closet or feel like you have nothing to wear even with a full closet, ask God to help you out. He may not be theologically described as a fashionista but He is the Creator of the Universe. He knows every hair on your head and every desire on your heart and He can create a look just for you. Seems silly but it’s a truth that is pretty amazing.